Believe me
by aspireraywriter
Summary: HarrySnape The classic Snape&Harry saving each other. harry stays with Snape and they bond. One fairly orgiic nightclub scene Anal,Angst,AUAR,BDSM,Bi,BMod,Bond,CBT,Ds,HC,HJ,Humil,Language,Lemon,MaleDom,MC,Minor,NC,Oral,Other,SH,ShonenAi,Shouta,So
1. Believe Me

Believe me, Potter if I do not enjoy having you in my house any more than you do. The fact that you must be protected by a member of the order and as my _dear _friend Sirius is no longer with us and you are no longer on good terms with the weasel family it is my painful duty to take you into my household.

Is that too cold?

Okay, try again Severus, maybe without your remark about Sirius. But I have to tell him about Sirius _somehow._ Otherwise he'll spend the rest of his life thinking I'm a great slimy git. Won't he?

A tiny voice inside me head was speaking. _Better that than face his blatant rejection. He hates you, Severus and there's little you can do to help it._ If I tell him then maybe he'll hate me less…maybe even become friends with me._ Could you stand the teasing? Seeing that smile every day directed at you? Face it, Severus; you were always one to love…_

Sadly, JKR's books belong not to me but to her and her publishers. If they were mine they'd be widely ready by adults and not by children…still I suppose the magic isn't what's important in my story, only the characters. Contains slash (Male/Male) lemon etc.

"Snape?" My head snapped up and I immediately wished it hadn't. Harry was slouching moodily towards me, his beautifully black eyebrows knotted into a sneer of dislike. His shirt was tight in all the right places, showing off his firm muscles and slim form. His jeans were slung casually around his hips; black, to blend with his boxers which were showing about an inch. He wore no shoes, only socks and he made no noise on the polished oak floor. Summoning all the breath and distain I had in me, I whipped the rest of my body around, glad of my concealing black robes and contorted my expression into one of deep dislike to match Harry's own.

"To what do I owe the pleasure, Potter?" He jerked a sarcastic eyebrow and slumped, uninvited into the nearest chair. My heart beat very fast. I had not seen him in months. His hair was ever messy but his glasses had disappeared.

"What the _fuck_ am I doing here alone in a huge house with _you?_" Harry spat, his words striking home to their target. I reflected them easily with a,

"Language, Potter. Calm yourself," just as much directed at me as him. "I would like you to sit down and I want to tell you everything the headmaster does not want you to know. It is the holidays, after all." His eyes widened in surprise.

"So you are working against Dumbledore! I always thought it of you, you-"

"No, Potter. I no longer serve the dark lord nor do I have any desire to disobey the headmaster's wishes. The thing I wish to talk to you about is of a more personal matter."

"Thanks, but I'd rather stay out of your personal life."

"Yes. I daresay you would. Listen Potter, you being here is of far more annoyance to me than to you." No lies in that. "The order has agreed that you be protected at all times by a member of the order and as you are no longer on good terms with the Weasley family, you must be here with me. I am to be your guard for this summer and possibly for summers to come until you become 'of age'."

"I'm sixteen. I'm old enough to take care of myself. I have-"

"Nobody denies your ability to take care of yourself Potter but the headmaster wants you alive." Sixteen. Such a beautiful, ripe age and the age you are legally allowed to-"he want's to…_use_ you as a tool for triumphing over…over Voldemort. Allow me to express how little I share his values."

"Yeah, like you care." Harry's sarcasm hit me right in the centre and I could not manage to speak for several seconds. At last I choked out.

"You're right. I am merely following orders. Allow me then to show you to your room. We eat at eleven, two-thirty and eleven. I was never an early riser do not forget it. Do not keep me awake. Do not perform magic. In fact I would prefer to hear from you only at mealtimes." As I said this I was sweeping out of the room and towards the hall. Harry's stuff lay in an untidy heap at the foot of the stairs. I elevated them with what I hoped was impressive ease and let them glide along beside us. Harry was easily keeping pace with me, not even panting as we practically ran through the corridors. I waved my hands at passing doors and he peered with a surprising amount of interest into each room as I indicated it.

"My rooms, my study, my living room, my dinning room, note that is where we shall be dining." We had reached the end of the corridor. "These are your rooms." I felt slightly embarrassed as we entered Harry's rooms. They were the most beautiful in the house, the bed huge and quilted, the furniture comfortable and antique. I tried not to blush. "Your bathroom and your living room," I said, indicating the two doors.

"So close to yours?" Harry smirked up at me. He was less than a head shorter than me but his eyes were raised to mine in challenge. I gaped stupidly before replying.

"Don't get perverse images into your head, boy. I have no wish of any contact with you over the next two months. I am merely here because your present quarters have become unsuitable." To my surprise his face showed no anger. He was grinning, his eyes still full of challenge. He looked at his watch with an overdone gesture of his arm and strode past me.

"Christ, eleven. I guess I should be turning in, then." He threw his shoes, which he had been carrying to the floor and before I could stop him, pulled his shirt over his head in one fluid motion, not even bothering to undo the buttons. I breathed out. Harry's back was smooth and tanned, completely without flaws. His muscles showed in his slim shoulders and his waist curved in, in a most enticing and exciting way. He turned around and his eyes met mine, almost shyly. His chest was slim and toned, his dark nipples providing the only blemish. There was a light dusting of black hair forming on his abs forming a line that plunged into his pants. I was shocked and stunned by his beauty.

"Don't you give me that look, Snape. This is my home for several more years and you're going to have to get used to me being here. Clothes bother me." They do? Please, do not allow me to bother you. Take them all off, I'll gladly watch. If only I had the confidence. Instead I tossed my head dismissively, tearing my eyes away from his gorgeous body. I meant to say something cool and challenging but all that came out was,

"You forget, Potter. We eat at eleven. It is being served in my dining room at this very moment. You may come as you are if you wish. It makes little difference to me."

"Oh but surely," hissed Harry, his eyes slits of green, "surely you'd prefer it if I didn't exhibit myself in your rooms? Not suggesting you're queer or anything, Snivelly, but that is going a little far. Perving on students is against the law you know." He _knows._ My brain seemed to have jammed. _Snivelly. That's what Sirius called you._ The thought of Sirius allowed my lip to curl and I surveyed him steadily.

"Do you think you would allow me, Sir Potter to tell you the story of Padfoot and I? Then maybe you will revise your judgement on using his insults against me." I had won the battle. "Wash yourself and put some clothes on. We will eat in twenty minutes. Don't be late." Harry's face was all surprise. I knew he could not resist knowledge. Smirking, I turned on my heel and closed the door gently behind it, only to run to my bedroom, lock the door and fall against it, moaning at what I had just seen. I freed myself and ran my hands down to grasp my straining excitement. Damn, he's hot. _You shouldn't be disgracing him like this… _"Fuck…"

My self control was lost as my mind filled with images of Harry's shy, yet challenging smile as he surveyed my reaction to his stripping. I caressed myself for the first time in years, allowing the rivulets of pleasure to stream around my body. Remembering how the faint dusting of hair hand beckoned me into his jeans I came with a faint cry into my hand, allowing it to soak my robes. I leaned my head back, breathing hard. Fuck. He'd better not come to dinner dressed as he had been. I looked at my watch and yelped. I had fifteen minutes until dinner. I had to look perfect. Pulling my clothes off I leapt towards the shower, my heart racing. _You did not just cum for Potter. _Have fun convincing yourself of that.

I stood in front of the mirror and tentatively peered out from behind the towel. I replaced it. I had never liked seeing myself without the charm. At least with it I had a nose to hide behind. Without it my black eyes showed every emotion. I pulled the towel from my face once more. In my eyes there was worry, anticipation and longing. _No points for guessing why that is. _Shut up. I pulled the second towel from my head. Raising my arm to spray my hair into submission I caught sight of my watch. No time. Attempting to calm myself I strode out of my bathroom, through my bedroom and into the dining room, I closed the door with a snap.

Harry was not there yet. One place was set at each end of the long table. My heart pounded. I did not want to be that far away from Harry. Was there time to change it? Sprinting to the other end of the table I picked up his meal, his napkin and his cutlery and laid them next to my own. I was straightening his fork when he entered.

Mercifully he had donned some clothes. Suddenly I did not feel so overdressed. His white shirt hung open and his black jeans were smarter than the blue ones he had been wearing. When he stepped closer to me I could see a necklace round his neck and shining beads of water from the shower gleaming in his damp hair. He noted my identical outfit and smirked wordlessly. We slid into our places and began to eat in silence. His manners were good and without uncomfortable formality. His eyes were lowered to his meal and he ate quickly, without fuss. When we had finished he laid his napkin on the table and surveyed me.

"So?"

"So what, Potter?"

"You were about to tell me the story of you and Sirius." Ha. Who's in who's power now. "And by the way I prefer your hair that way. Less grease." I blushed slightly.

"I do not bother to wear my formalities in my own house. Seeing as you're so keen to hear my story, I shan't delay you. I did not always hate him. He and your father constantly probed me to annoyance and yet I…I admired Sirius." Harry didn't snort with laughter as I had feared he would. He looked at me carefully, his deep eyes calculating. "One day I was confiding this to my friends and it appears he heard me. The following day, in our sixth year, he approached me and allowed me to become intimate with him, no feelings attached on his side." I had been speaking to my plate but I looked up to see Harry's reaction. His face was intent and interested and he regarded me imperiously.

"So…you were dating?"

"No, Potter. He was merely using me to endorse his sexual pleasures. When he was asked out by a girl a few weeks later he told me to come and visit him in the shrieking shack one last time. Of course, you can imagine who was there. Your father rescued me at the price of my pride. He told the school what I was and that is where the name 'Snivelly' comes from. Potter said I would come snivelling back to Sirius if ever I got a chance. Assess your authority to use that expression. Harry's face was sad.

"I saw him in your pensive a while back. I've known since then what a complete bastard he was. But while Sirius was alive a part of me still wanted to believe he was nice as well as good."

"How very…sentimental. Fascinating as your personal feelings are I do not wish to hear such drivel. I merely ask you address me in future as 'sir' or 'professor'." Harry's face was unreadable. He got up, bowed his head slightly and left, without a backward glance.

And so the agony started. I was a constant battle, every meal. Neither must show any feeling, all must be distain. Harry and I rarely spoke. Each day he bade me good morning and each evening goodnight. Other than meals, I barely saw him. Occasionally I would see him outside from a window, enjoying the summer sun while I lurked indoors, loving him; wishing I had a scrap of confidence with which to defend myself. This agony continued for ten, long, lustful days. One other time I saw him out of an upstairs window taking a dip into the lake. He dived and swam beautifully, bringing me to ejaculation a second time and completely unawares. When he was in the house I shut myself away in my room or my study and I was undisturbed.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I often longed to go and prize him from his hidey-hole. I knew he was hiding from me and I thought I knew why. He wanted me to forget my crush, to bury it away and forget about it, At least he was doing it in a nice way. He had always been so disdainful of me, I felt grateful to him for understanding and leaving me to stew alone. It must be hard when someone you hate has a crush on you. Almost like Malfoy. I shuddered at the thought. I let my mind wander, remembering how he had looked that first night, how he had been when I had teased him.

No, Harry, it is never to be. But what about that story he told you? That was pretty heartfelt…and he's gay, or was. Burying my face in the pillow I was closing my eyes, willing sleep to come to me when I heard a faint, distant moan.

Instantly I was awake, every sense alert. Leaping from my bed I crept in my boxer's out of my room and down the corridor into Snape's dining room. The moans came from his room. Sometimes they were of pleasure, other times of grief. I peered through the keyhole and gasped at the sight in front of me.

Snape knelt at the side of his bed, uncharmed as he had been that first day. He was wearing boxers and carried a knife. His cock was out and he was stroking himself yet there were tears running down his face. What could I do? He'd be furious if I found him masturbating, yet I couldn't just leave him. God knows what he was planning to do with that knife. To this decision he gave me the answer. With a little cry he came, catching the stuff on his knife and choking with mirthless laughter. It was a horrid scene of self-loathing and desperation.

"Love me…" he choked out between sobs as he put his cock away and raised the cum-covered knife to his wrists. Franticly I sprinted to the other end of the room silently, then back, making my footsteps sound loudly on the hollow floor. When I burst into the room he still knelt helplessly by his bed, his face tearstained but the knife and the cum were nowhere to be seen. He looked up at me with emotionless eyes still streaming tears when I entered.

"Harry…you shouldn't be here…didn't I always tell you not to…not to…" His sentence was cut of by another wave of sobs that shook his body. I knelt at his side and passed him a tissue from the box on the bedside table. He took it and covered his face. Gently, I put my arms around his freezing form and lifted him into his bed. He resisted but his body was weak from crying. I did not say anything. I couldn't think of anything to say. Awkwardly I stood beside him, my arms still round him and watched him cry. I had never seen a man really cry before. It was terrifying. Slowly his sobs stilled and still I held him. At last he looked up. His eyes were red and he looked angry.

"Why are you here, Potter? I told you not to come here."

"I had to. I heard you crying. I was worried you were…I thought maybe you needed someone…even if it's someone you hate. It seems I was wrong. Do you want me to go?" He gripped my arm.

"No. You are warm. Stay with me a bit." I walked round to the other side of the bed and took the pillows, propping him up on them and tucking the blankets in around him. I sat on his bed, shivering slightly.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Potter. A low point, shall we say."

"Professor I…I don't hate you-okay? I used to but I don't now. That probably doesn't make you feel any more comfortable but I just thought you'd like to know. You have…a friend." It came out in a long stream of words.

"Friends-eh? We've never been friendly before."

"Sirius…Sirius changed that when he died. I don't hate you now." He laughed unexpectedly.

"Well, he's done me one favour at any rate. Brought me a _friend_ in time of need." The way Snape said the word friend made me shiver. What did he mean? Was he being sarcastic that we could ever be friends or was it something else? _Don't get your hopes up. You know he doesn't care for you._ It suddenly occurred to me how undressed and cold I was.

"If you want, you can go now. I am alright now."

"If it's okay with you, id rather stay. It was kind of scary hearing that alone in this house. Just give me a sec."

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP

He disappeared out of the door he had come through and I took the opportunity to clean the knife I had hidden under the bed and put it away. My heart was racing with excitement. He returned, carrying his pillows and duvet. He dumped them on the other side of the bed and arranged them beside me. I turned out my bedside light and turned to face him in the pale moonlight from the window.

He was not looking at me but up at the ceiling, his upper body bare and his eyes bright and calm. I copied him and lay back on my nest of pillows he had made. I felt a small, warm hand steal into mine and my head whipped around. He was still staring determinedly at the ceiling but his face was a little flushed. I folded my cold hand into his warm one and he smiled and turned to me.

"You're cold."

"A little. I am always cold, Ha-Potter. It suits me." He let go of my hand and bent his beautiful body around to pick up his pillows. He threw them over next to mine and scooted up towards me, holding out his arms. I stared at him for a second and fear came to his eyes. Quickly I slipped into his embrace. Harry was so warm. He seemed to radiate heat. His arms and legs coiled round me and enveloped me. His skin was so soft. I was in heaven. I felt warmth and comfort and happiness and love. With these emotions, I fell asleep.

I awoke to find him gone from my side. I was still beautifully warm but Harry had untangled himself from me and was lying at a respectful distance from me, his bright green eyes regarding me frankly.

"What are you doing in my bed, Potter?" He looked as though he'd been slapped. I had been so sure I would wake up to soft skin and warm embrace that I felt the absence very acutely.

"I'm making sure you're okay. I can go if you want. I just thought…I mean I thought you might be mad at me so I scooted away when I woke up. I-"

"I'm not mad. Unless you count worry that I've poisoned your little mind with my tears and affections. I can assure you, Harry, I am pleased you came to me last night. I needed somebo…I needed you."

"Oh." He coloured. "I thought you might be mad at the intrusion. You always hated me so much but I didn't want to leave you. I…basically I don't want to be annoying or…make you feel…weird-uncomfortable." Damn Harry, you sure do make me feel weird all stretched out like that.

"Honestly it's fine, so long as you don't think of me as a perverted teacher." Harry laughed and my body relaxed with relief.

"Seriously sir, I…even if it had been…more than cuddly I wouldn't…" He looked uncomfortable and confused. "We're not at school. We're just two people living in the same house now…I think…"

From then on, everything was different. The tension had been increased and yet there existed a strange kind of friendship between Harry and me. Harry told me about his life with his relatives, his life before Hogwarts. Whenever he had been speaking about them he always stopped when he came to this last summer. That he never spoke of and, taking his lead, I did not pry.

I told him about the order and what we were doing; about life as a death eater and life as a servant to Dumbledore. He always listened intently to me, as though he really cared about my views and stories. Neither of us mentioned that night when he had found me but I had a strange suspicion he knew what I had been about it do. I did not try it again, although the same pains still gnawed at me. I could not for get his hesitant voice. '_We're just two people living in the same house now…I think…'_

I had warned myself that Harry would be difficult to live with once we had become less than enemies. It was harder than I could have imagined. Harry would swan around without his shirt as he had done the first night and flash irresistible smiles at me during the morning time when he would work out, shower, have breakfast and get dressed. I bore it only by looking down at my own body and feeling the familiar loathing for it course through me.

The nights were the worst. There were times when I would lie awake listening for a sound from Harry's room. Always there was silence. A few times I actually got out of bed to go to him before flopping back on my pillows. I lacked the confidence. I knew he would reject me and I couldn't bear it. A few times I heard a sound of pattering bare feet between his bathroom and bedroom. It made me shiver; imagining how his body would twist and move as he climbed out of bed and into the bathroom.

We still saw each other only at meals, which I knew was my fault and it tortured me. At the meals we were perfectly friendly towards each other but we would always get up and leave as soon as we had finished. During the days I would hear music and occasionally singing from Harry's room. At these times I would creep to his door and listen. Harry's voice was high and husky and he sung about beautiful things. I never knew where the music came from, but it always reflected the words and the mood.

One such time I was crouched at Harry's bedroom door, listening to him as he sang in his living room when it occurred to me to go into his room and listen from there where I could hear him better. I opened the door silently and slipped through. The door to the living room was open a few centimetres and I crept lightly over the floor towards the source of the sound.

"_Please don't go crazy if I tell you the truth.  
No you don't know what happened and you never will,  
If you don't listen to me while I talk to the wall.  
This blanket is freezing. It's been out in the hall._

_Where you've had me for hours till I'm sure what I want.  
But darling I want the same thing that I wanted before  
But sweetheart, tell me what's up,  
And I won't stop,  
No way."_

I peered through the door to see Harry strumming on a black guitar, facing away from me and singing still. His chest was bare but he still wore his necklace.

_Please keep your hands down and stop raising your voice,  
It's hardly what I'd be doing if you gave me the choice,  
It's a simple suggestion, can't you give me some time?  
Just say yes or no  
Why can't you shoulder the blame?_

_Cause both my shoulders are heavy from the weight of us both.  
You're a big boy now, so let's not talk about growth.  
You've not heard a single word that I've said.  
Oh my god._

A tear ran down his face and It occurred to be that Harry was singing about something he felt. His voice cracked and he let his guitar hang round his neck uselessly. Then he ran his hands through his hair and tipped his head back over the back of the sofa.

Too late, his teary eyes stared straight into mine as I stood poking my head round the door. I considered making a dash for it and was disappearing around the door when I heard his voice.

"Professor? Professor wait."

I turned around and stood in the doorway regarding him, trying to make my face expressionless. He sat twisted round to face me, his guitar hanging forgotten around his neck and both arms held out towards me. His lip trembled as he searched for something to say. At last I choked out,

"You play good music, Potter. And you sing well."

"…Thanks…Do you want to come in?"

"Sure." For some reason Harry looked just as embarrassed as I felt. I came in and stood stupidly in between the two sofas for a second. There was a pile of mess on one but Harry was sitting on the other. Maybe it would look rude to take the trouble of clearing it up just to sit away from him. I took the seat next to him and he smiled. There was a strained silence.

"So…you um…you like your rooms?"

"Yeah they're lovely. Kinda lonely sometimes though." Harry was staring at his knees.

"I would ask you to invite your friends but nobody is supposed to know your whereabouts. When you lived with the muggles it wasn't such a problem but…still maybe…maybe…well if you want some company, you know where to find me."

"Err…thanks professor but I thought you preferred to see me only at mealtimes?"

"Well…things change."

"Oh. Maybe I will then." The silence lengthened.

"So erm…what where you playing just now?"

"Oh just some crap I wrote. It's a bit repetitive I think but…I like the words. They help me express how I feel without sounding like a prat."

"You wrote this, Potter?"

"Yeah…why do you think it sounds like a real song?" His eyes were hopeful. I was incredulous. The music was beautiful.

"Well erm…yeah I do I mean it's…well you…I'm impressed Potter. I didn't know you had that talent." Harry blushed a very satisfying and surprising crimson and smiled shyly at his knees.

"Thanks professor. I've…I've never actually played to anybody before."

"I'm sorry I listened without your permission." Harry looked up at me for the first time.

"No, its fine, I don't mind you…it's sort of nice to have somebody to talk to about it-you know?" _Don't mind me what? Don't mind me hearing? Why is there…_oh forget it, he DOESN'T LIKE YOU-okay? Quick, say something you idiot.

"Yeah…I know." Do you? _Shut up, brain._ "Will you…will you play something for me Potter? Maybe the rest of that song?"

"Well…I haven't actually written the last verse but who knows, maybe it'll come to me." Harry cleared his throat and began to sing again from the beginning. This time his eyes stared straight into mine. I didn't want to look away. I couldn't look at anything else. When he got to 'Oh my God' he closed his eyes and began to play at his guitar with no words, the notes changing key and the volume exploding. Harry whistled a new melody as he played. Then the volume died down and he began to sing again, opening his eyes to stare at me again.

"_Please take it easy, it can't all be my fault.  
I haven't made half the mistakes that you've listed so far  
Oh baby let me explain something, it's all about fear,  
So let us cuddle together, keep out the knife and the tear._

_Cause you're all I have left now, and I won't let you go,  
I've shared your house and your bedroom and I don't know why.  
It's magnetic attraction, so don't fight,  
Take hold."_

The song finished with a few final guitar notes and Harry stopped, frozen, his hand on the strings of his guitar to stop them resounding. At last he coughed and began to babble.

"Well, they came to me, the words that is. What I really need is a drummer and a second guitar but as no-one knows I play I can't really ask. Did you…were the last lyrics crap?" I summoned all my breath and replied,

"No they were…did they have any relevance to anything? Well anybody really?" Harry cocked his head to the side and gazed at me sadly.

"If that person felt about me they way I feel about him then it would be…but no."

"I thought maybe it was about that Ravenclaw girl you were always fighting with but it's him you say?"

"Yes" He didn't seem keen to confide in me. He was speaking to his knees again, his bare shoulders hunched over. He lifted the guitar over his head and let it rest against the table. Then he blew upwards and began to write the lyrics down on a sheet of paper before sinking back onto the couch and stretching himself out. My stomach was churning and when I saw his body arching and twisting I felt it give a lurch. Damn he was hot. Finally he looked at me and spoke.

"You should come over more often. I write lyrics faster either when you're here or when I have company, I don't know yet." He smiled and I smiled. There was silence again but this time it was different. Friendly. Tense. I hoped…I knew I would never have the confidence to ask him if the song had been in anyway connected with me yet I longed to. Weren't his first lyrics '_Please don't go crazy if I tell you the truth'? _Please Harry. Tell me the truth if I am the truth. I gazed at him, willing him to understand.

"Professor, can I ask you something?"

"Yes, go ahead"

"Isn't it…aren't the summers…aren't you lonely here when you aren't at Hogwarts? I mean I know I don't exactly have great company where I used to live but surely as an adult you have the choice to…well…not be alone?" I fought tears.

"Even adults can't force people to spend time with them Potter." His eyes widened and he swallowed.

"So you…you are lonely here."

"Well…you live here now. I'm not lonely now."

"So you don't mind me living with you?"

"No I don't. I hated it at first but now you know about Sirius, things are different. We don't…well I don't hate you anymore and I don't think you hate me so much anymore. Like you said, we're just two people living together."

"I don't hate you. I like living here. It's better than the Dursley's anyway. And Ron and Hermione get annoying sometimes when they bicker." He grinned. "You're a much easier roomie."

"Thanks I think."

"It's a compliment. I wish you'd come here more though."

"Now I know I'm wanted I will. And come and see me too. I don't have any work and I know you don't so there's no reason why we can't spend time together."

"That's great. Listen, I'm going to watch a movie before bed-d'you wanna join me?" I hesitated then,

"Sure. That's be great. What did you have in mind?"

"Seen Pulp Fiction ever?"

"No, I haven't." He stood up and folded his arms across his chest.

"If we're going to watch Pulp Fiction together can you please call me Harry? I'd feel uncomfortable watching something so intimate with somebody who still calls me by my surname."

"Yeah, I can…you may call me by my first name if you wish, Harry although I'd prefer it if you used my middle name, Jamie. I don't like the name Severus."

"I can if you like but I like the name Severus. I prefer it to Jamie."

"Really? You like it?" Harry looked at me seriously, as though he was looking into my soul.

"Yeah. Yeah, I do." We looked at each other for a long moment. Then,

"Well then yes, you may call me Severus or Sev."

"Thanks, Sev." He turned and bent over the TV to look for Pulp Fiction. I got a beautiful view of his bum and immediately felt aroused and ashamed. A full grown man like you getting hard over a boy of his age is perverted, Sev. He straightened up as the menu became visible and the film started. I had to admit, I was excited at the thought of watching a film as sexy as Pulp Fiction with Harry.

Occasionally sneaking looks at Harry I saw his eyes concentrated seriously on the scene. When it came to the sex, he blushed slightly but did not move or look at me. It excited me and when it had finished I was barely concealing it. Harry got up and switched off the movie, not helping my problem by displaying his ass to me a second time. I took the opportunity to look and saw a barely distinguishable lump. I wriggled slightly and found I had made it worse. I was attempting to conceal it with my hands when Harry turned round and his eyes dropped straight to my groin.

He stared for a second then said,

"That was quick. The film wasn't that graphic." He grinned and swallowed nervously. "Still, I can't talk." My eyes dropped to his jeans. There was a definite lump in his pants also and I found it difficult to drag my eyes back to his. I laughed nervously and he joined in as he flopped back on to the couch and checked his watch.

"Shit. It's nearly one thirty."

"Mind if I stay here? I can't be bothered to move."

"Not at all. Hang on a sec though." His feet pattered away and I proceeded to conceal my 'problem'. Damn, Harry. He came pattering back and dumped two pillows and my blankets next to the couch.

"Oh Harry you-"

"Head Up." I lifted my head up and he tucked the pillow under it. Then he got the blankets and laid them carefully over me, tucking the edges in around me for warmth. Then he raised his eyebrows at me as if to say 'all right?' and stood back. "Do you want me to leave now?" he turned to go but I caught at his jeans. Blushing, I said,

"Stay with me a little. I don't want you to go." He turned back around and sat at the other end of the couch, tucking his feet under the duvet. One touched my leg and he blushed and whisked it away. Shame.

"So erm…did you ever see that film before?"

"Nope, it was good though."

"I like it. And _not_ because of the sexy side. I'm not that teenage." He said defensively. "I've never been…I've never got like this before." Before I could stop myself I blurted out,

"Maybe it's having company." Harry's soft eyes regarded me frankly.

"Maybe. Or maybe it was who the company was." My body jerked and every sense suddenly became very aware. He blushed but still stared seriously in my eyes. It was only then that I noticed he was shaking slightly and his lip was trembling. As though he was frightened.

"Harry I…if you don't mean what I think you mean then forget it but if you do then…I'd rather you told me. I'm just as shy." He swallowed, opened his mouth…then closed it.

"You knew. You knew when you heard the song."

"I didn't know. I hoped."

"Hoped?"

"Yes, Harry. I hoped."

"Well I sure hope we're talking about the same thing."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well…" he swallowed and blushed before speaking to his lap. "I'm talkingaboutmaybemyproblembeingunconnectedwiththemovieandmoretodowithyou." He sucked his breath in and then held it, still not looking at me.

"So am I. But I'm talking about more than that. I'm talking about…liking you…more than I probably should at my age….more than…more than you probably want." Finally he looked at me, his eyes very bright. When he spoke his voice was low.

"You…you fancy me, Sev?" _Oh god. Now he'll know and he'll hate you._

"Shit I'm sorry. I know it's pervy and all the rest of it I just can't really help it. Yes, I do. I do…like you."

"Good." Suddenly warm lips were on mine and slim, hesitant arms were snaking round my neck. My stomach churned and flipped with a surprised, tight feeling as the lips moved against mine, filling me with some foreign feeling, making me want to shout, fight, kill, live, jump, sing and make love all at once. Then the lips left me and my eyes slowly fluttered open. Harry had flung himself over me, his body lying messily over mine and his neck straining upwards to kiss me. His face was hot, nervous and alight.


	2. Feel for you

He was trembling, his face contorted into a nervous, lopsided smile. I gripped him under the arms and hoisted him onto me properly; feeling the length of his body against mine and moaning into his mouth as our lips came crashing together once more. The feeling was of a full balloon being squeezed and yet it was not a nasty feeling.

I let my hands wander over the beautifully soft skin of his chest, my hand coming to rest at his hip. The other hand was twisted possessively into his messy hair, tugging him even closer, always closer, ever closer. His kiss became firmer, his tongue running along my lips, demanding entrance. I denied him for a while and he moaned with longing. It was enough. My mouth opened and he darted in, his tongue warm and inquisitive, exploring every corner, tasting me, claiming me.

After a long time he retreated regretfully, his kiss melting into nothing. He kissed me briefly on the lips several more times, as though he did not want to leave. Then he sat up and my eyes closed as his weight came to rest exactly on top of my cock. I tried not to moan in ecstasy. I did not trust myself to speak. He looked at me for a long time, stood up and retreated towards the door, his hips swaying, leaving me unsatisfied. Oh, god.

I leaned my head back and attempted to untangle my confused brain. Did that just happen? _For once, I don't think you're deluding yourself._ I pinched myself. It hurt and nothing changed. I licked my lips and found them already wet, slightly swollen. The buzzing in my head retracted a little and I re-gained my sense of hearing. When my brain came back to life I was still on the couch. I got up and put my eye to the keyhole, kneeling on the floor by the door. Harry was sitting, wrapped up in bed writing in his lyrics book. He was absorbed. I got up, stripped to my jeans and boxers and socks and threw myself back on the couch. The springs squeaked.

I tried to think about Harry but there was so much confusion there that I let my mind wander. It found Sirius. His lying eyes. He said one day he'd make love to me but he never had. Instead he routinely forced me to suck his cock, giving me jaw-ache and a need for release myself. He never assisted me. Instead he abused my admiration of him to endorse his teenage longings and when they were satisfied I was thrown away like an old toy, one that had lost its purpose. For thirteen long years I pined for love. I never had another relationship. Once I hired a male prostitute but never made use of him. I just paid him and sent him away again.

Then Harry had come to Hogwarts. I asked my godson, Draco, to attempt to make friends with him but he rejected him for being a Slytherin and I knew all hope was lost for me, head of Slytherin house. He had believed every word, every prejudice that had been whispered into his ear. No, there was never hope for me. Instead I watched him, feigning hatred because I couldn't face rejection, sneaking around after him, helping him in times of need. I had seen him endure so much. Then, in Harry's fifth year, the headmaster requested he take Occlumency lessons with me. It had taken every cell of my being to resist him, especially the anger that welled up inside me when I saw Harry kissing that Ravenclaw girl under the mistletoe.

I hated the way she had manipulated him, rejecting him until her preferred choice, Cedric Diggory had died. Then she bribed him into liking her again by flaunting her girlish charms and Harry fell a thousand feet for her. However, he seemed to find her annoying. He was sympathetic but impatient when she cried all the time, disgusted at the teashop she had taken him to on their only date. I knew then that he needed a man. Unfortunately he became very wrapped up in the order's business and the only person he was willing to confide his feelings to was Ron Weasley. This filled me with jealousy and I became sourer, more bitter towards him and Hermione Granger, the favoured friends just because they were loyal to him and in Gryffindor.

Then there had been the fight. When Sirius had died Harry was so mixed up about his feelings. There was so much anger in him, so much bitterness and loneliness and worry that he had yelled at Ron and Hermione. I heard from Dumbledore there had been a huge family row between Harry and the Weasleys, which had ended in Harry receiving a howler all about ungratefulness and selfishness.

Still Harry had been strong. He cried a lot but resigned himself to returning to the Dursley's over the summer and, from what I can gather, his uncle took advantage of Harry at his lowest point, broken and dejected. I'm not really sure what happened, the headmaster refused to tell me the details. All I know is that Harry was rescued from his home in Privet Drive by the order, sent to Dumbledore and then on to me. He had arrived in my house angry, confused but less damaged than I had anticipated. Then he had kissed me and I realised this was because he hadn't been as disgusted as I thought at the idea of living with me.

I turned over, wondering what went on at Harry's home, hoping he was okay and would tell me at some point. The image of him kissing me swam into my mind and I smiled into the pillow as I drifted off to sleep.

I dreamed I was watching Harry kissing Sirius, standing in Harry's own sitting room and seeing Sirius under Harry's body instead of me. I suddenly found the cum-covered knife I had tried to kill myself with in my hand and decided to kill Sirius with it instead. Before I could get there though, the dark lord plunged a knife into Sirius's back and Dumbledore put his hand over Harry's mouth and nose and pulled him away, suffocating him. At last he released Harry onto Harry's bed. Harry's lifeless body plopped uselessly onto it and I was reaching out for him when a tall man I knew was his uncle entered. He was faceless and shapeless like a daemon. He began to strip off Harry's clothes, to expose him, to touch him. Too late I realised what was about to happen and screamed, waking myself instantly when I did.

I sat up, panting and sweating. My heart was racing. Harry came running into my room.

"You screamed. Was it a dream? Are you okay? Are you hurt??? Speak to me!!! I'm not that bad at kissing am I?" He laughed and I smiled weakly.

"No. it's not that. That was lovely." There was a short silence. No point in concealing it. "Harry you have to tell me when your uncle did to you. I'm having horrible nightmares about it. I need to know, Harry. I know you don't want to talk about it but I need to know before I can help."

"Why? What did you dream about?"

"I dreamed your uncle was stripping you naked and when I realised what was about to happen I screamed and woke myself up." Harry hunched up in a ball, not looking at me but staring unseeingly at a piece of empty wall. Then he nodded.

"Something like that. But when I screamed I didn't wake up. It kept going."

"Did he…how far did it go?"

"For about five days he basically made me his slave. Sexual slave, I mean, I'm no stranger to manual slave. Then it got…worse. He started to…to…" Harry began to cry. I scooted up and put my arm around him. "They didn't come for me after three days like they promised. It was ten days before anyone came to see if I was okay. When they realised I wasn't I was basically brought here." I needed to ask the vital question. I licked my dry lips.

"Did he…rape…you?" Harry's body curled into a tight ashamed ball. His shoulders shook with sobs and he turned away. Then, just when I thought he wasn't going to answer, he nodded mutely. My being filled with hot, boiling rage. I tried to stay calm but it just grew and grew and I knew I was shaking with anger. I enfolded him in an embrace, my arms winding protectively about him and he huddled against me.

We stayed like that until the early hours of the morning. Both feigned sleep but I don't think either of us got a wink until about six when Harry's shoulders lost their tension, his breathing became regular and he relaxed against me. I picked him up, surprised at how light he was. I carried him to his bed and curled up with him, pulling him to me, never wanting anything to touch him ever again, full of hate for his uncle and for Dumbledore and the whole lot of them, full of love for Harry.

I feel empty, disorientated. Some food smell-delicious food smell. I roll over and open my eyes.

"Hey sleeping beauty. I made breakfast." Harry is all wet from a shower. He is wearing a bathrobe and presumably that is all. He's walking slowly across the room to me, carefully carrying a tray with toast, coffee, and orange juice on it. "I know what you eat now." I sit up, reach out for the coffee and take a sip. Oh heaven. I groan in pleasure and Harry bursts out laughing.

"Hey! Don't enjoy that coffee too much or I'll get jealous!" I feel a jump of nerves at this mention of yesterday's antics. It's all very clear in my head. Painfully clear. I set the cup down.

"Tell me what happened yesterday. From your point of view." Harry looks confused and slightly hurt.

"Don't you remember?"

"Yeah, I do remember, but I can't believe it till I hear it from you. I need to know if it really happened and what you felt about it. I need to know what's going to happen now. I need you." Harry smiles slightly, still confused and comes to sit on the edge of my bed.

"Well…from what I remember you came into my room when I was singing. I was writing a song to you but you weren't supposed to hear it." I blush. "Then…then I played it again for you with the end and we talked about music for a while. Then we decided to watch Pulp Fiction together. I…I hit on you and then you told me you liked me and I kissed you. Twice. Then…then I left for a bit. Then I heard you scream in the middle of the night and you said you'd had a dream about my uncle…a nightmare. We talked about this summer and then you cuddled me back to sleep…and I woke up here. With you. Then I had a shower and made you breakfast in bed." I breathe slowly, trying to stay calm. "Now we're here" He adds, helpfully.

"And so…how do you feel about that." _You sound like a therapist._

"Well I know you're very lonely. I don't want you to be with me just because you're lonely but if that's all there is it doesn't really change the way I feel about you. I hadn't really thought about dating since Cho…" Harry winces and swallows. "I really didn't need somebody else leaving me. I knew I liked you…that is, I knew I was starting to get weird feelings whenever I looked at you and started to hate myself for rejecting Draco Malfoy's friendship that day. Maybe if I hadn't you wouldn't have hated me so much…or I would have seen you more often. I might still have friends. Then I was sent here and it sort of…seemed a bit too good to be true. Now I'm really hoping you like me…the way I like you. But if you don't that's cool too. I'm happy just being near to you."

My heart swells. It seems to have eclipsed my ability to speak. I feel almost as though I am about to cry. I put my tray to the side and shuffle into a hug. I hold him and am again surprised by how beautifully warm he is. _You sure do harp on about that._ _Come on, speak you idiot._

"I love you," I choke. "I always did. I knew I couldn't deal with being friends with you because some day I would just jump on you and everything would go horribly wrong and perverted and you would get scared away from me. I know it's wrong that I'm in love with you. You're sixteen and I'm thirty-five but I really can't help it." Harry clings to me.

"I thought you'd be older than that."

"Geez. Thanks." He blushes.

"That's not what I meant. I thought my parents would have had me after that. You know…my dad must have been only nineteen when my mom had me. I didn't know that."

"Your dad refused to wear condoms. He said if Lilly really loved him she'd take the chance of having his baby."

"What a son-of-a-bitch. How do you know that?" I nearly smile at Harry's insult on his father but manage to conceal it when I remember…

"She told me. We were really good friends until your dad forbade her from talking to me. Then I thought she'd gone off me or was social climbing or something and…as you saw in the pensive I was a little harsh to her."

"Don't blame you."

"You don't?"

"No. That was like how I shouted at Ron when I lost everything. Then I lost him too so…but anyway. I have you now." He snuggles into me and I smile. Yes baby. You have me forever. I'll never leave you. But I don't say this because it sounds too soppy. Instead I say

"Yeah," and kiss him.


	3. Desiring you

New chapter up! Thanks so much for all my reviewers; ShadowMPerkinson, momocolady, toads, Ichi The Evil, DebsTheSnapeFan, and especially lestatluvr13, yaoi-fied and Alexander Black who have all reviewed twice!!! For you over-18-er, Snape/Harry fans, I recommend a story that's up on adultfan called Won't You Please Stay With Me?-much better than the title or summary let on. Very touching, very sexy.

"Why, Harry?" Oh shit, how do I explain this?

"Basically I want you to know what's happened. We've become very close and I don't want you to have…I want you to know what he took from me…why I can't give it to you."

"Harry…I know what…you don't have to…are you sure?" I nodded and he faced me, his face set. He looked almost frightened. He raised his wand as he had so many times before but this time I didn't need to do anything. I raised the memory to the front of my mind and he cast.

"Legilimends!" My Uncle was bringing me in from the car in which he had picked me up from kings Cross. He was locking Hedwig up and hiding the key. He was dressing me for the first time in the clothes. My eyes teared in shame as his fat, meaty hands invaded my body, pulling on garments I knew only strippers would wear.

He was making me dance for him for the first time while he wanked. He was filled with drink and it took him nearly a half hour to even get hard. He was spanking me when I refused to suck him, hitting me for being disobedient. He was burning my skin with a cigarette, making ugly round burns on my chest and on my bum. He was lying to my aunt right in front of me. I started to tell her and my uncle was ordering me out.

I could hear his steps on the stairs and his thunderous voice. I could see his mad, angry face over me, could see his cock rigid in front of my face. Then I could hear his voice.

"No. I have a better idea. Change back to your normal clothes. In front of me." I felt slight relief but also fear, fear of the better idea. I was naked. I felt his strong, sausage-like fingers on my thin wrists. Hands were running over never-touched skin. I kicked out but this only increased his anger. He bent my legs outwards and lay on my feet. I couldn't move. I felt him against me, pushing against me, searching for the opening. It took him three thrusts to find it, three that slammed into my firm skin and bruised me.

He was sliding into me roughly. Pain exploding around me, inside me. Hands were over my mouth. Tears were blinding me. My head was twisted away in humiliation. _Why?_ I was hearing panting, moaning.

"So good. Oh yes, so…tight." Sweat was covering me. Foreign sweat. The pain was cutting in deeper, bruising me, violating me. And suddenly inside me there was something, like an animal, leaving a deposit of the pain buried so deep inside me it would never come out. Blood. Piss. Semen. My uncle pulled roughly out of me, threw a dirty blanket over me to cover what he'd done, dressed and locked the cupboard door, leaving me lying there.

Days. Hours. Pain. I did not move. Finally, after hours of stillness and shock, I put my hand down to try and pull it out of me. I touched my skin and it burned. No. I lay still again. Light. Voice. Gasps. Reeking. Dumbledore. Madame Pomfrey. Healing. Humiliated. Ashamed. Friendless. Dirty. Then…Severus. Life. Hope. Love. Music. Kisses.

I was lying on a cold floor. I opened my eyes.

"Harry?"

"Hi, Sev."

He kissed me gently, his lips filling me with all those feelings. I clung to him and he wrapped me around him, kissing me so gently I thought my body would explode with that tight, buzzing feeling.

"Never go away. Sev. I love you."

"Never. I promise. I love you, too. Never leave you. Ever." He was kissing my face, kissing away the tears of the memory, banishing that dirty, scarred feeling.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I can't pretend I wasn't shocked at the memories Harry had shown me. I knew Harry's uncle had abused him, even knew Harry had been raped, but I had had no idea of the feelings, of the smell, of the humiliation, of the pain. And so anger burned inside me. Why had Dumbledore not come to help him? Harry always came to help, whenever anyone was in danger, he was always there, at their side, fighting. But Dumbledore had just left him, broken and hurting. He had broken his promise.

Each night I slept curled around Harry in his bed. Each day we would play, talk, laugh, learn about each other. I taught him a few things that he would need for N.E.W.T standard Potions and he was willing to learn. We got his results together. I celebrated with him by cooking him a complicated meal and a cake.

On the cake I wrote his results:

_AstronomyA  
Care of Magical CreaturesE  
CharmsE  
Defence Against the Dark ArtsO  
DivinationP  
HerbologyE  
History of MagicD  
PotionsE  
TransfigurationO_

Harry blew out all his candles and wished.

"What did you wish for?" I asked. But he had just smiled and shook his head.

"If I tell you then it won't come true. And I _really_ want it to come true." That night we sat together in Harry's living room. He was trying to teach me guitar chords.

"See, you put your fingers like this and it comes out as an e-minor chord."

"What's e-minor?"

"Oh forget it. Take music theory lessons and come back to me in a year." We laugh and he sits up. "You know something Sev?" I get up into all fours and crawl onto him and begin to kiss his face.

"Yes. I know that you're beautiful and that I love you." Harry giggles and pushes me away.

"It's my birthday next week."

"Oh, Harry, that's great! That would explain why I could never find out when your birthday was!!! I wish I could take you somewhere or throw you a party but I can't. No witch or wizard is allowed to see you. Apart from me."

"So take me into muggle London. There are plenty of places we can go."

"Erm…Okay…sure!" I feel stupid. This never occurred to me. And besides, the days when I lie down and take orders from Dumbledore are over.

Harry is wearing a white shirt and dark blue jeans. He is clean and his necklace is visible against his soft skin. He is wearing socks but no shoes. I'm wearing the conventional black, black pants, black t-shirt and black socks. I am also wearing black boxers. Harry leans over spontaneously and kisses me gently, his comforting, eager lips moving, opening. I push my tongue in and lick. He tastes beautiful. Sweet, sexy.

I launch myself onto him, wanting to taste more of him, to know more of him by heart. Harry surrenders happily, his scent of grass and cinnamon rising up to tempt me, his body firm beneath me. Suddenly he bites down on my bottom lip and I gasp, breaking the contact. He takes advantage of my surprise and pushes me over so that he is on top. Unfortunately we run out of sofa and fall to the floor.

I barely have time to register pain before Harry is climbing over me, his hot little mouth needy and demanding. He wraps his arms around me and his legs around my hips. It feels _so_ good. I am beginning to pant. Harry's arms snake up and wind into my hair, preventing me from breaking that kiss. His legs clamp tighter and he thrusts wantonly against my chest. _Damn, that's hot_. I push my head to the side, breaking our kiss. Harry whines like an angry animal but sits up onto my cock._ Does everything he does HAVE to be this erotic?_ His lips are wet and swollen. I stare at them hungrily.

"We should…stop." My voice is pathetic.

"Why?" Harry whines, his face flushed and alive and alight and so, so beautiful. His hair is so black and glossy; his eyes are big and bright and clouded with lust. What the hell? I growl and push him over onto the floor. He lets me. I begin to kiss his neck and ears and he mews and hisses, undulating his body blindly. _Oh damn Harry…_I buck my hips into him and he brings his up to meet me so we collide. His cock is pressing hard and needy against my chest.

Moaning into his mouth I pick him up and his hips clamp around mine. My hands slip to Harry's bum and pull him firmly to me.

"Oh fuck Sev…"

I slam him against the wall and ravish his throat. His hands are under my shirt, pulling.

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP

At last he surrenders and I pull his shirt up and over his head, exposing him. He is perfect. His skin is smooth and white and stretches over his slim form and wiry muscles. I breathe him in, smelling chocolate and woodsmoke…and sex.

Somehow he just smells of sex. Every part of him speaks of it. I have never made love to anyone. To me, rape is different to making love and therefore no-one has ever made love to me either. The thin, shaking hands unbuttoning my shirt are nothing like my uncle's sweaty palms. They are hesitant, respectful, as if he is doing this to honour me in some way.

The way he looks at me. His eyes rake my body and he moans and ravishes my lips once more, as though I have tempted him into it. Every call connects individually as he slowly relaxes against me. When we are completely touching he does not stop but keeps pushing until I am flat against the wall and he is leaning against me. Our bodies writhe and slip over each other; we are sweating. Part of me is scared where this is going to go but I am excited and I want it at the same time. His hands are everywhere, touching me in places I have only dreamt about before. I am painfully aroused.

I grab his bum and pull it against me, at the same time bucking my hips wildly, blindly. He hisses, wordlessly, his head flung back, his mouth open in a silent scream. He tips his head forward and we stare at each other. I drink him in; wet, bruised lips, vivid blue-grey eyes, black, silky hair. He thrusts against me one more time and I loose my vision as our orgasm claims us. I can hear him mewing, groaning as if from another room; soft, animal noises that grow louder and louder. We slip down the wall in each other's arms, panting.

"Ohh…god," he groans, his body limp in my arms, "Sweet Jesus."

"Fuck," I say quietly. I release my breath and my lover does the same. For a long time, neither of us speaks. After what could be seconds, minutes or hours, Sev lets out his breath in a long gust and looks at me. His eyes are very clear and hold some powerful emotion. We look at each other for a long time. I feel myself burning up under his gaze, consumed with love for him and amazement at what just happened. Nothing like it ever before, ever.

A gust of wind blows through the house and a door slams somewhere close. Sev jerks and jumps out of his reverie, staring with shock and rising horror. He stands up. For the first time I begin to doubt him. Am I really somebody he loves or am I just that annoying kid that wont leave him alone?

Endstop

not the real results.


	4. Manipulating you

No. I can't have done. Didn't I tell myself to go slowly? Didn't I tell myself to stop-even speak it aloud? I have violated him. He will remember his uncle and see the two of us together, in the same light. Oh God Harry. I'm so sorry. I stand up and he stares up at me, confused, fearful. Maybe he is remembering his uncle's fat hands on him and connecting them with mine. I shudder at the remembrance of Harry's memory. Harry wriggles in his place on the floor.

"I'm sticky. Can I go have a shower and then please can we talk about this? Please? I don't want to loose this. Sev, look at me-please? Tell me you don't hate me? Sev…"

I am not registering what he's saying. Speaking to me? He wants to talk about this…yes that'd be okay…

"Okay…"

"Okay then come back here when you're done. Please Sev." I nod. My brain seems to have jammed. Harry gets up. He is very close to me. I want more than anything to lie down with him, to cuddle him, to kiss him, to make sure he's okay. _A shower, Sev. Go and have a shower._ Yes a shower. I go out of Harry's living room, through his bedroom and my dining room and into my bathroom. I undress slowly. My boxers and my jeans are soggy with cum. I drop them on the floor and strip of my shirt. I turn the water up very hot and let it burn my skin. _Oh god, Sev. You fucked up…again. You idiot. I don't believe you._

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP

I wash and change into new clothes. My heart is slamming against my ribs. Oh GOD. Why did I have to pursue him like that when it was clear he didn't want me to? He even TOLD me to stop. God. You pathetic hormonal teenager. I am dressed. I lean against the wall and remember our bodies together, our hot lips caressing, licking, biting.

When I get into my living room Sev is already there. He is wearing clean clothes and looking totally stunned, staring at the spot where we collapsed together in orgasm. I shiver thinking about it and he whips round. I speak first.

"Sev I…I'm really sorry."

"What? Why? I'm sorry!"

"Why?"

"Because I…we just…I violated you! I'm nineteen years older than you and we…I…I took advantage of you being…"

"What? No you didn't! You said we should stop and I didn't listen to you! Oh my god I though that you thought I was just some…some annoying kid that wouldn't leave you alone!"

"What? I don't think that! I wouldn't have done that if I…well if I…" Sev blushes. Sev NEVER blushes. "If I wasn't…if I didn't…Oh fuck Harry how could you think that?"

"How could YOU think that?" We are laughing. We hug each other and Sev's arms wrap around my waist and I giggle into his ear.

"No…shit…listen Harry that was…" Sev has broken apart from me and is pushing his hair back, blowing upwards, his eyes widening. "It was…intense to say the least it was…fucking incredible." He still looks a little shell-shocked.

"Yeah, I know," I say. It comes out a little too heartfelt and we laugh. When I stop laughing I see him looking at me. Is eyes are misty and submissive. I reach out and take his hand and we smile nervously. He coughs.

"Movie?" Why not?

"Sure. Whatever you want."

"Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"I know this is really sad but…can we watch Gladiator?" I laugh at his worried expression.

"Okay but let me get into my pyjamas first." I let go of his hand and undo the buttons of my shirt, pulling it off. "There. That was easy." He laughs and starts to fiddle with the player. The movie starts to play and he turns around. I am stretched the length of the couch along the back. I hold out my arms to him and we lie parallel. I pull him close to me and we are cuddling, comfy as a couple of spoons in a drawer. I don't actually like this film very much. I find Russell Crowe annoying. Sev however is staring avidly at the screen.

"What's so amazing?" I ask him. He smiles shyly and wriggles.

"Russell Crowe," he says honestly.

"You like Russell Crowe?"

"No. I think he's an idiot. He is really hot though." I feel slightly misplaced. I look at Russell Crowe and try to see what is attractive about him.

"Nah," I say eventually, "too many muscles. And I don't find his face attractive. The features are too rough."

"They're _manly,_" says Sev, unfazed. "Just because I appreciate a man."

"And I don't?" I say biting his neck gently. "Unless you have anything to tell me…" His sharp elbows did into my sides and I yelp

"Watch the film," he says, annoyed. I shut up. Soon, however, I am distracted again. My face is so close to his neck. I begin to run my lips along it gently, letting my breath caress his skin. He shivers. I grin. I am gently pulling up his shirt. His eyes are slightly glazed as he stares determinedly at the screen. I begin to caress his sides gently.

"Harry," he says dangerously.

"Yes Sev?" I am all innocence.

"Stop making me into a dirty man."

"I'm not making you do anything…just tempting you." He is silent. His eyes begin to mist up. I run my fingers over his chest and gently insert one into his belly-button. Then I dip my thumb into his jeans and begin to run it across the width of his front, teasing, tempting. He makes a resigned grunting noise and turns onto his back. I am longing to touch him, to go further. I want to make him feel heaven-touch heaven. Sev closes his eyes as I run my hand up inside his t-shirt and begin massaging one of his nipples. When I'm sure he is relaxed I pinch him as hard as I can and his eyes snap open as he gasps.

"You don't want me?" My voice is low. He is breathless as my hand strays back to his jeans.

"Want you…how?" I lean in very close to him. I can feel his fast breath on my neck.

"Want me to _please_ you?"

"Please me?" I know he knows. I squeeze the lump in his jeans and his eyes widen.

"Yeah"

"Harry…that's a bit…you don't have to…"

"I know I don't have to." I sit up and swing one leg over him. I widen my eyes and make a begging gesture. He looks at me steadily. "Please…" I am rocking backwards and forwards. He closes his eyes. I lean down and whisper, "Please?" His eyes open and he says,

"I'm not stopping you." I slide my hands up under his t-shirt and pull it over his head gently. He lifts his arms up helplessly. I lean down and apply my mouth to him. I haven't even picked a sensitive place to start and he cries out. I take one of his nipples into my attention then the other. I make my way down his ribs, dip my tongue into his boxers and then go up again, all the way to his ear. Now he is gasping, arching, writhing. I can feel his excitement under me. I shuffle down until I am comfortable between his legs then lean my head on his hips and look at him.

He stares at me.

"May I?" He nods. I stretch my neck out and pull down his zipper with my teeth. I bury my face for a second, breathing him in, then unto the button and pull the two pieces of jeans apart. His boxers are black, like mine, and I can see him plainly through them. I get up, go to the end of the couch and pull on the end of his jeans. He raises his hips, then his legs so that I can pull them away from him. I reach out for his boxers but he stops me.

"You first," he croaks. I pull off my jeans. There is no graceful way to do this but I try and he doesn't seem to mind. Russell Crowe is speaking on the TV, forgotten. I pull my boxers from my hips and they slip down my legs to my feet. I step out. His eyes rake my body. I feel faintly nervous. I stand, naked and wait for him to speak.

"Come here and carry on." I love his commanding voice. I reach out for his boxers and pull them away from him, carefully. He is bigger than me and very aroused. I want to go jumping in but I lie between his legs again and apply my mouth to his lower chest and pelvis. I work round him, from his abs down to his hips and further down to his thighs, then breathing over him and starting upwards from his other thigh. I look up at his face, it is clenched up and he is arched with tension.

I look at what I am deliberately neglecting. It is standing tall, pulsing gently with the blood pumped down into it. I go to dip my tongue into his belly button once more and he moans as I feel my neck brush against it. He's had enough. I take as much of him into my mouth as I can, sliding my tongue down it. There is a sharp intake of breath and then he sighs,

"Oh…goddd…" I gently massage his balls with one hand and wrap the other around the lower bit of his cock, moving my mouth and it up and down in the same rhythm. He winds his hands into my hair and mews, bucking needily into my mouth. I relax my throat and take more of him.

"Faster…" His voice is deep and growling. I speed up and he cries out my name. It's the sexiest thing I've ever heard. I look up at him, deliberately sucking provocatively. His back is arched, his head thrown back, his face twisted and his eyes wide. I speed up even more and suddenly he is very still, a perfect statue, his hips and back raised off the couch in a silent scream as he comes into my mouth. I swallow. He tastes so sexy. The moment is timeless. Then, gracefully, beautifully, he sinks back to the couch, whimpering. I climb on top of him and envelop him wrapping my arms and legs around him, letting him bury his face in my neck.


	5. Loving me

Harry looked nervous, excited and very sexy. His hair shined almost blue under the entrance lights as we entered the club. He let the smiling usher take his coat and let me lead him towards the sound of pounding music. It became louder and louder, I began to feel vibrations through my body in time to the music. It was also getting warmer, the deeper into the heart of the building we went. At last, the music reached such a volume I thought, _if this gets any louder it'll be too loud,_ when the usher waved a hand towards the nearest, open door and ran his eyes over Harry admiringly.

"Have a good time." We turned the corner. It was a big room, with many vents but no windows. Two speakers at the far end hurled the music over the whole room which was covered with…the only word was bodies. Probably a hundred men littered the floor. They were pressing against each other, all very tightly packed into the crowded hall. Couples covered the main part of the floor, undulating shamelessly against each other, their mouths covering each other, some even staggering against the walls. On our right was a bar where men sat, some drinking, some laughing in groups, some alone, some staring at the scene in front of them, all expectant. I glanced at Harry. He was wide-eyed.

"That…that's NOT dancing," he said, awed. "That's sex standing up."

"Mmm, so dance with me." He gazed up at me and allowed himself to be led towards the huge, hot mass of male bodies. We squeezed between couples in various stages of consciousness until we reached more or less the middle of the floor. Here there was a tight ring of people, all completely thrown into the party, untiring, all taking pleasure together. Harry ducked under their arms, pulling me along behind him. In the circle we were not so hot. The danger of being trampled if you bent down had lessened and as I pulled Harry towards me, I knew he had made the right decision.

Harry threw himself with all his incredible energy into the party. The people around him cheered and spurred him on, spurred us on. We danced, we jumped, we kissed, the circle tightened around us, feeding from the sexual energy Harry was radiating, and he was screaming along with the music, pulling the crowd along with him, his eyes blazing and his skin burning to the touch. He went on and on, not stopping. The DJ was fabulous. Every time a song finished and we all felt like we were about to die, the music churned up another notch and between Harry and the DJ our circle managed to dance for hours, untiringly.

It was four in the morning. Harry was pressing needily against me in time to the music, his hot little mouth burning my face, my ears, my neck. I felt his need. It was time to go home. Pulling out a pencil from my pocket, I tuned it into a portkey and we disappeared from the noise, the lights, the music, the energy.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

"Harry?"

"Mmm?"

"How are you…feeling?"

"Extremely turned on and seem to be falling for you all over again."

"Oh." Harry sat up and I regarded him critically. His eyes were sleepy but lust-filled. His excitement was very apparent and I took the opportunity to admire his body. He licked his lips.

"Woe that club was amazing."

"So that really did happen, huh?"

"Yeah…are you okay with that?" I was finding it hard to explain myself.

"Yes, Harry, You were brilliant. Everybody loved you…none so much as me. The thing is, it frightens me how little control I have over myself when you're around-like last time you kissed me and we had…dry sex. And then you stroked my sides and you…you know."

"You do know that both those times I was trying to seduce you?" I laughed.

"Whether you were or not you succeeded much too easily. I'm not frightened of the power you have over me. I'm frightened that one day you'll do something as innocent as kiss my neck and I'll…do something you won't be comfortable with."

"Sev, the only thing you can do to make my mad with you is leaving me. I love you. I have no idea how to live without you anymore."

"What if I turned you over and fucked you?"

"I'd get there first." My brain contracted into a small fly that buzzed and then died. Harry and I had never spoken about who would make love to whom when the time came.

"Nobody's ever made love to me before." Harry looked away.

"Fucking and making love are different. I like to count myself as a virgin to making love but…I can't really give you enough."

"Harry, what your uncle did to you was in no way your fault. As far as I'm concerned what he did has done nothing to affect me except make me want to send him to the devil's feet-via Voldemort. I hate him, not because he took from you something that he'll keep forever and that I can't have, but because he hurt you physically and emotionally. You never deserved that." Harry continued to look out of the window for a second, and then looked back at me. His face was serious and sad.

"Sleep with me."

"Harry, I can't."

"We don't have to have sex. Just sleep with me. We're already naked." Harry began to pull of his clothes. First his shirt, then his shoes, then his socks then his jeans…

"Harry…"…his boxers. I opened my mouth to say something…and closed it. I began to pull off my clothes too. He watched, his eyes raking my body as each bit was exposed. He took my hand and led me gently to the bed and proceeded make a sort of cocoon in the middle, all pillows and blankets. It looked very inviting. It was still more inviting when Harry climbed in and stretched out a hand, almost as a child would to its mother, towards me. I snuggled in next to him, tucking the duvet around us and sinking into his soft, velvety skin. I met something hard.

"Harry…?" he smiled, guiltily.

"Sorry…I'm not usually this hormonal, only around you."

"No…I like it." I leant forward and kissed his throat, sucking wantonly, making him collapse with a moan. I clawed at his body, running my fingers firmly over his chest and towards his cock. I wanted him. I wanted to know what it was like to have a man inside me. Harry was a perfect specimen of the male sex, tall, strong, beautiful. I was laid out for him, my hand movements over his cock beckoning him to me. He threw himself onto me and I spread my legs. His cock touched my opening. We both gasped. He became very still. He was looking carefully at me.

"What do you want Harry?" He seems overcome by the sensations rippling through his body from his cock.

"Ohh….you… always you…Sev…" He seemed almost insane with lust.

"You can have me, Harry. Have me here, now, on this bed you can make love to me. But only if it is making love. Because I love you. And I have something I saved especially for you."

"Yesssss…Severussss," Harry hissed, our bodies were arching for each other, panting for each other, sweating for each other. I looked around. Two virgins were very unprepared. I had no idea what to use as lubricant.

"Got any sun cream, Harry?" He nodded and summoned it with a wave of his hand. He squeezed some onto his hand and rubbed it over his fingers. Then he put what was left on the end of one finger and held it out to me for inspection. My heart was beating very fast. I nodded.

Harry's first touch at my entrance was bliss. His hand was warm and creamy as it slicked my entrance. Then he squeezed out some more and but the bottle to one side. He leaned his hot body down onto mine and pushed the tip of his finger in gently. I could not help but cry out. It was heaven. Careful to rub the stuff on inside me, Harry's finger pushed up very slowly inside me then he pulled back and pushed forward again. Steadily faster he became, and I found myself clenching around him. I wanted more. I knew there was something to be reached-but what I did not know.

"More."

"What?"

"Another one." Obediently Harry pushed in two fingers. A slight twinge of pain made me wince and he stopped moving immediately. "Okay, carry on. I'm alright now." Just as slowly as he had started, Harry's fingers began to explore inside me, they became faster more quickly and soon were scissoring in and out of me at great speed.

"Mmm, yeah"

"What?"

"God…having you all…laid out like that. You don't know how tempting you look."

"Harry?" He stops.

"Sorry, am I hurting you?"

"Not at all. I want your cock." I felt it jerk against my thigh and felt his fingers go limp.

"Godddd. There are seriously, no four more arousing words than those. It's every guy's dream." He said, huskily. I leaned up and whispered into his ear,

"So make love to me. Now. I want you." He moaned and pulled his fingers out of me. I felt horribly empty. Harry squeezed more cream onto his hand and coated his cock thickly. I wanted him so badly. He fitted his body on top of mine and positioned himself at my entrance.

"Are you sure?" What could I do but moan at his hesitation and spread my legs still wider for him? No amount of preparation could have prepared me for Harry sliding himself into me less than a second after, not because it was painful, but because the feeling was so incredible. It filled me, washed over me, gave me that tight feeling, so strongly, that I needed release.

"More, more…" I groaned, unintelligibly and Harry pushed himself all the way in and hit something magical. It was an orgasm times ten, rippling through me from the inside out. Harry's growl of pleasure as I yelled was enough to make me come. The liquid spurted between our chests, and yet the tight feeling, the need for release still remained, coiling tighter and tighter inside me. Harry was keeping up a steady rhythm, his eyes closed, his face contorted.

"Faster…" I whispered.

He pressed his body onto mine, so his chest rubbed against me every thrust he gave and doubled the speed. It was heaven, every time he pulled nearly all the way out and slammed back in, nailing the spot. My head spun, I couldn't see, couldn't hear.

Suddenly everything changed. Every sense became very clear and long, rhythmic vibrations begun to spin through my body, making Harry's yells add to my own rising noise level.

"I'm not going to last, Sev…Sev…you're so…" The vibrations and the thrusts were speeding up, the need for release now desperate. I reached out for something, anything, and my whole body clenched and tightened around Harry. It was too much for him.

"Sev…Sev, I love you…" he screamed and came, deep inside me, filling me, releasing me. I was flying. Harry was pressed to me and we were buzzing, so high we'd never come down. I could feel him limp against me, tears of joy and pleasure coursing down my cheeks, Harry's satisfied cock deep inside me. I don't know when sleep took me. After was a haze of delight, another world, barely distinguishable from unconscious dreams.


	6. The Scream

When I woke, Harry was still inside me. He was awake, his vivid, green eyes smiling at me sleepily. I was very warm and content, a happy bubble of something threatening to shatter me into a million ecstatic pieces. He kissed me very softly, our lips barely touching.

"Love you Sev."

"Ohh Harry." Harry. I jumped and Harry sat up, confused, sliding gently out of me. I almost moaned at the loss. _We made love?_ _Oh…god…_

"Oh god!" I stared at the telltale scene, the couch still showed the imprints of our bodies, the cream lying open and leaking on the floor and Harry and I together, naked in bed. _You idiot, Sev._

"What's wrong?" asked Harry, upset. "You don't regret it, do you?"

"I'm such an idiot!" I jumped up and pulled on yesterday's boxers, my mind fully awake and racing. _Harry has no idea. Sev, if you get out now, nobody will know what you are…nobody will know what a monster you are._ "Look, Harry, I'm sorry, but I have to go"

"What? Why? Is it the mark?"

"No…"

"Then why?"

"Listen Harry, last night…"

"No! Don't say it! It was beautiful, it was perfect, please Sev don't be…"

"You have NO IDEA what you're getting yourself into by sleeping with me. You don't know me!"

"So TELL me, Sev!"

"Harry, no. I…I'm sorry but this relationship..."

"No! Sev, don't please, speak to me! What's the matter? Please! Don't leave me."

"I'm sorry, Harry. It's over." Harry let out a horrible tortured sound that vibrated through me, shattering the perfect stillness created by our lovemaking. The sound went on and on. Harry's thin, naked body was curled into a hard ball in his bed. I began to feel sick. I felt helpless and angry with myself. I wanted to go over to him, touch him, apologise, kiss him and pretend it had never happened…Instead; I turned and left, hiding the tears that had begun to flow. _Oh…Harry._

HPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSSHPSS

Hello angry readers! In my indescribably long warning I said that there would be upsetting material in this story. Fluffy ending, I promise, but I am asking my readers to remember that Harry and Snape are imaginary characters in future chapters, as both go through a fairly bad time.  
Harry and Snape: "We are NOT!"  
Mwahaha


	7. Dead eyes

GWGWGWGWGWGWGWGWGWGWGWGWGWGWGWGWGWGWGWGWGWG(NB this is not a gw/hp story and never will be. Purely hp/ss)

I boarded the Hogwarts express, excited. I was going to see Harry again and FINALLY I would know what had been going on all summer. I worked me way through the train, parting younger student, ducking out of the way of older ones. I almost laughed at the age-determined status system at Hogwarts. The rule was–we're older, we make the rules.

At last, in the back compartment, I found Harry. He was sitting in a seat, his trunk neatly stacked into the rack and just staring blankly at the back of the seat opposite. I grinned and waved my hand in front of his face,

"Hey Harry!" He looked round, his face still expressionless.

Then he turned around and went back to staring at the wall. I pushed my trunk up into the rack and threw myself into the seat opposite Harry, angrily. He didn't even blink as I interrupted his line of vision. He seemed not to notice I was there.

"Harry…?" I said, uncertainly. No response. "Harry, talk to me, what happened over the summer? Is it the Dursley's? Were they…?" Harry shook his head. "Then what…?

At that moment Neville came untidily in, lugging his trunk through the door and carrying Trevor under his arm.

"Hey Harry, hey Ginny! How are you guys? Where are Ron and Hermione?" I shifted awkwardly and Harry shrugged, still not raising his eyes to Neville. "Harry? Harry, are you okay?"

"Um, Harry, Ron and Hermione had a…a fight at the end of last term. I don't think…Ron hasn't received any mail from him or written any for all I know. Neither has Hermione. She was staying with us. I think…I think they're still fighting. Harry, don't be angry with me. I know my brother hasn't been very understanding but I'm still your friend aren't I? And Neville?"

Harry finally looked at me. His eyes were blank and hard, expressionless. There was no spite or dislike in them, but neither was there any warmth or any joy. There was nothing. Neville sat down next to him and put his hand on Harry's arm. Harry flinched.

"Don't touch me!"

"Harry…?" Neville said uncertainly, "Harry…are you…okay?" Harry didn't answer.

"I'm going to get help. A teacher." Neville got up and had taken two steps towards the door and Draco Malfoy stepped in. To my surprise he was not flanked by his two usual thugs, whatever their names were, but was alone. Neville cowered but Malfoy didn't even look at him. He was looking at Harry.

"Yes, Longbottom, go and get help. Any teacher, just…not Professor Snape." Neville looked highly surprised but disappeared, letting the compartment door slam behind him.

"Malfoy? Did you…do you know what's wrong with him? He isn't speaking to us."

"Oh god. Isn't he? This is worse than I thought. Professor Snape said it would be bad but…"

"What's the matter with him? What have you all done to him! This CAN'T ALL BE ABOUT SIRIUS! WHAT..."

"-Please don't shout at me. Harry had a rough summer. I don't know the details. I was told Harry would be…upset but upset doesn't seem to cover it."

"So? Why do you care?"

"I didn't especially, but Professor Snape explained his circumstances to me and asked me to take care of him."

"Professor SNAPE?! He doesn't give a…"

"Actually it seems he does. Look I don't know hat's wrong but there's no way to get to Hogwarts faster so we're just going to have to wait." Neville returned at that moment, panting, closely followed by Professor Dumbledore himself. Malfoy turned to him quickly and they began to talk in low voices, urgently. I tried to catch what they were saying but Dumbledore shot me a swift, sharp look and I turned my eyes back on Harry. He was staring blankly out of the window again, as though nothing was happening around him. Dumbledore straightened up and spoke to the carriage in general.

"I must leave you all. I have to go and talk to Professor Snape about this. Don't any of you touch him. Mister Malfoy, you seem to know the most about this, I leave you in charge. Try and speak to him. Don't talk about Professor Snape or his summer or his home. I will return shortly." He turned and left.

"Malfoy, what's going on?" Neville looked very confused. "What've you got to do with Harry? Or Snape for that matter?"

"Look, you two," he said quietly, "I don't know. Why don't we just do what Dumbledore said until he gets back? I'd like an explanation too."

DMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDM

Harry didn't speak to any of us, only looked at us blankly each time we shouted to him. His eyes, instead of being their usual, insolent, fiery green, were flat, green features, dead, no recognition in them at all. Ginny had begun to cry by the time Dumbledore came back. His eyes were flashing dangerously and he was leading Professor Snape who looked different that how I had ever seen him.

Harry looked up at Professor Snape and his eyes filled with recognition. I stared. What was going on? Snape, however, though he was looking right back at Harry, stayed behind Dumbledore.

"Speak to him, Severus."

"Harry?"

"Yes, Sev?" His voice rasped from disuse. Ginny began to cry. Everybody was looking at Snape who, in turn was looking at Harry. There were no words to speak. Finally, Dumbledore broke the silence.

"Severus, go back to the teacher's compartment and tell Madame Pomfrey to come to this compartment immediately. You, however, should stay in the teacher's carriage. Miss Weasley, Mister Longbottom, stay here with Harry. Don't touch him or speak to him, but if he tries to do anything of go anywhere, restrain him. You won't have any trouble. He has no strength. Mister Malfoy, come with me."

Dumbledore left with Malfoy, the two of them beginning to speak to each other in low voices as they exited. Snape, however, still had his eyes locked with Harry's and after a short pause, Harry actually spoke.

"Sev…stay…please." These words seem to shake Snape out of a stupor for he jerked his eyes away from Harry and replied, harshly,

"Potter, what would I possible want with your company. Please address me as 'Professor' or 'Sir' in future." Harry, impossibly, inconceivably, began to cry. He did not seem to know he was crying however, for the glazed look began to return to his eyes and he did not move as Snape swept out. Harry did not cry for long. His expression didn't change; he seemed to just forget he was crying. He allowed the already-shed tears to run down his face, onto is neck and into his t-shirt.

Neville and I sat awkwardly opposite him, not speaking. I had no idea what was going on. If Harry and Snape had become friends then why did Snape talk to Harry like that? And why was Harry so…soulless? And why had he cried?

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP(nb: this is Madame Pomfrey)

As soon as I saw Potter, I knew what the matter was. I had read enough about it. I prayed that Albus and I had been mistaken, but when I checked his heartbeat I knew the sad truth. Potter had no soul. He could walk and talk and hold things in his brain, but the only memories he had were the darkest and worst of his life. He had no emotion, only fear and despair. I left the compartment to notify Albus.

DMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDMDM (nb this is not and will never be a HP/DM story. Draco has a crush on Harry but it never goes anywhere.)

My head was buzzing. He thought of the two of them made me feel sick, but not because I was jealous of either. The thought of a teacher and student alone was enough, and the thought of my potions teacher in a sexual way didn't help, but what really got me was the thought of somebody raping my crush. It angered me. Still, I agreed to be Harry's guardian until Snape and Harry were on speaking terms, if that happened. After Hogwarts, the professor said, Harry would have to go out and kill Voldemort, whether he had his soul back or not. My mind was reeling with an overload of information when Madame Pomfrey walked in and confirmed Harry's condition. She was weeping.

"Sir…? Sir, no offence, but wouldn't it be easier for someone in Gryffindor to look after Harry? I won't be able to be there all the time." Dumbledore and the matron looked at each other sharply, as though wondering whether to tell me something. It seemed they decided against it.

"You will know that very soon, my boy. In a few hours or less. Don't worry, you will not be moved from your house or lifestyle. Now I suggest you go back and inform your friends. Your guardianship of Mr Potter need not start until after the feast. You may go.

RWRWRWRWRWRWRWRWRWRWRWRWRWRWRWRWRWRWRWRWRWRW

"Ron! Ron, where's Professor Mc Gonagal?" I looked up at the staff table. Hermione was right. In Professor Mc Gonagal's place sat a tall, handsome man. He was laughing with professor Flitwick.

"I dunno Hermione, maybe…maybe she's ill?"

"But then why…" Hermione's words were cut short by Dumbledore rising to his feet. He looked grave.

"Welcome! I do not wish to detain you for our excellent feast but I have a few start-of-term notices to give out, and as one is very serious, I would like you all to listen closely. As if now publicly acknowledged, the return of Lord Voldemort just over a year ago, means that a war has returned and I regret to inform you that a member of staff, my most trusted and talented friend and a housemistress of this school was killed, earlier this summer, when fighting in this war. I am, of course, talking about Professor Minerva Mc Gonagal."

There was a stunned silence. Not a sound filled the hall. I turned to Hermione who was white with shock. Dumbledore carried on.

"Some of you may know that the headship of any of the four houses is inherited and that each head is directly related to the four founders themselves. Therefore there is no replacement. Minerva was a huge loss, not just personally but historically. Gryffindor house…is finished. Forever."

A short silence preceded a storm of noise. I turned to Hermione numbly and saw her staring back at me, shocked. Dumbledore, instead of silencing the student body, waited until the fuss had died down before carrying on.

"Therefore I would like all of Gryffindor house to line up behind the first years and wait to be sorted." Nobody moved. Only one tall, dark figure got up from the end of the table. I didn't recognise him. He wore black jeans and t-shirt and had black, untidy hair. He was thin to the point of malnourishment and moved slowly, as if every step caused him pain. He walked up towards the line of first years, joined the back of the cue and turned to face us. Hermione gasped next to me. It was Harry.

Harry was drastically warped since last time I had seen him. His clothes hung off him and his face was pinched and thin. You could see his bones through the skin of his neck. His face was blank; his sunken eyes gazed uninterestedly at nothing. He looked like somebody who had starved to death. Slowly people began to get up and join the cue. Soon the first years were trying on the old hat. It was so serial. Seamus-Hufflepuff, Hermione-Ravenclaw, Neville-hufflepuff…Harry's name was called and he walked calmly out of line and put the hat on his head. The hat thought for a moment and then said, confidently,

"Slytherin!" The hall went deathly quiet. Harry, however, got up from the stool just as calmly, put the hat on the stool for the next person and slipped in amongst the Slytherins next to Draco Malfoy. I stared. I did not even notice as everybody stated to disappear from my side. Parvati into Hufflepuff, Lavender into Ravenclaw, Dean into Hufflepuff. Harry was the only Gryffindor student to be sorted into Slytherin. When my name was called I ran over shakily and jammed the hat on my head.

_Please, Ravenclaw, not Slytherin, I don't want…_The hat called out "Ravenclaw and I went to sit next to Hermione and Ginny, relieved. When the list had finished, Dumbledore introduced the new teachers. Professor Lupin was back as Defence against the Dark Arts teacher and the new transfiguration teacher was called Professor Ayeswhiled.

The feast started and still I couldn't get my head round it. Gryffindor finished, Harry in Slytherin…it was too much. Nobody ate much. The Ravenclaw prefects walked us to our new common room, a beautiful blue and silver affair in North tower and we were allocated new dormitories in twos. Hermione was with Cho Chang, but I was paired with a fussy, Percy-like boy, prefect in his day and who gave me a lecture as soon as I brought my stuff upstairs all about mess and showering. I found myself missing my old dorm mates. Even Harry.

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That night was hard. I took Harry and Draco to their dorm and watched as Harry gazed and me, his eyes so sad and wistful that I couldn't bear it. When I went to bed I thought about how near he was, how I could just…I fell into a fitful sleep, still fully clothed and sitting on my couch. Harry filled my dreams. The long month before Hogwarts where I neither saw him nor contacted him, Harry's moan of pure pain as I had left, our love…then I fell to dreams of Voldemort. I remembered Lilly's pleading eyes, as I had stood behind Voldemort, watched the curses, the death, and heard Harry's baby cries.

I woke. It was dark and a thin figure was limping towards me across the carpeted floor. I snapped the light on but Harry didn't stop. He came right up to me and knelt at my feet, looking at his knees. He was wearing silky blue pyjamas I recognised as Draco's. For a long time neither of us moved nor spoke. Then he said quietly,

"I want to know you, Sev. I am only alive with you." With and effort he got to his feet. He turned and padded away from me his footsteps uneven. I heard the door close quietly. _No you don't Harry. You really don't._

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Draco became my protector. From then on I knew only Severus and him, everything else was foreign too me. I didn't mind him touching me as I minded other people. To me I was in hell, in a pit of my darkest thoughts, my worst memories. The death of my parents and my uncle raping me often filled my thoughts. People around me were daemons, sucking life out of me, forcing the worst memories to the forefront of my mind. Draco and Sev, however, were angles, one so brilliant, so radiant, so blinding and yet untouchable, the other comforting, almost motherly.

Endstop


	8. reported, please all read

I have been reported for this story. If it gets taken down I will republish without lemon scenes. Those of you over 18 can read on adultfan. Just like to say thanks for the support on this story-particularly from momocolady and yaoi-fied who have been a huge support and motivated me to carry on with this story. Special thanks to all reviewers. Hugs to all.

Ray.


	9. Angels and Daemons

HGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH

"There."

"Where?"

"Just coming out of the library now."

"That isn't Harry!"

"Yeah, Mione, it is." Harry looked so different. He had been a bright, funny, healthy boy, full of life and energy. Now he seemed empty, nothing came from him. He saw, he heard, he walked, he talked, but as I watched his uneven footsteps I saw no aura around him at all. We quickly dodged out of our hiding place and cornered Harry before he could blow us off.

His expression did not change. He merely stopped, staring blankly at a point just over Ron's shoulder.

"Harry?" His eyes slowly drifted onto me. At first there was nothing. Then Harry did the last thing I had expected him to do. His voice a low rasp from disuse he stared at me, obviously concentrating very hard.

"I…I remember you…I know you, don't I?" Ron snorted angrily. Draco Malfoy came striding out behind Harry. He was a good deal taller than Ron and, though he spoke lightly, there was a 'don't-mess-with-me' tone in his voice.

"What are you two doing?" Ron sneered at him.

"Not that it's any business of yours, Malfoy, but we want to know what the matter with Harry is and why he's hanging round with _you."_ Harry tugged at Malfoy's hand and he leaned his ear down so Harry could speak into it.

"I _know _them, don't I? They're good but they make me feel sad. Why?" Ron stared. I stared. Malfoy stared.

"Yes, Harry, you do know them, they were your friends but you had a fight-do you remember them?" Harry nodded. "Do you remember anything else about them?" Harry shook his head and glanced fearfully up at Ron. Ron lost his patience. He grabbed Harry's shoulders roughly and shook him.

"Harry! Snap out of it! What happened to you? Why are you hanging round with HIM and why are you saying you don't remember us? What's WRONG with you?!" Harry gasped and then screamed a piercing, terrified shriek. Ron let go of him quickly and Harry sobbed himself into silence, clinging to Malfoy, desperately trying to get away from Ron. Malfoy was speaking to him, softly, touching his hair, calming him down. I was so confused. I didn't understand anything. I HATED this feeling. Malfoy looked up, his eyes flashing at Ron. But when he spoke it wasn't to attack Ron.

"It's not your fault, Weasley. You weren't to know he hated to be touched."

"But…I know him! He's been my best mate for years!"

"Listen, you two, he had a rough summer and is still recovering. He doesn't have much memory left; he can only remember nasty things, that's why you scare him, Weasley. He never usually speaks or remembers this much."

"And what's all this got to do with Professor Snape?" Harry sobbed louder and I instantly regretted my words.

"I…I can't tell you that. He and Harry are both really messed up at the moment because of each other and I'm picking up the pieces." Ron's aggression was back.

"But why YOU. You always HATED Harry!" Malfoy laughed.

"Would I be here if I did? Besides, I'm all he's got."

"He's got us!" I felt slightly hurt.

"Well…you two haven't really been there for him have you? You didn't contact him all summer, didn't tell anyone you weren't hearing from him and haven't been to see him since term started. To be honest, I'd say you've lost the right to say that, Granger."

Without one more glance at either Ron's or my shocked face, Malfoy went back to talking to Harry who was shaking gently, his face buried in Malfoy's side, his whole body limp. Malfoy took his hand and led him away.

"That," said Ron, "has got to be one of the weirdest conversations I've ever had. D'you think Harry's under the Imperious curse?"

"No…I don't see why he'd talk like that if he was. I mean he wasn't pushing us away. He only backed off when he got frightened…it's weird but Malfoy's story makes an awful lot of sense…"

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I waited until all signs of Draco, Harry, Weasley and Granger had gone before emerging from under the invisibility cloak. So that's what Harry was like. It was time to show him why he didn't want to be with me. Time to show him. I would do it tonight when he came. He came every night. He never said anything, just came and waited for me to say something and after five minutes of silence, he's leave. I headed back to my rooms to wait. He would see. I would make him see.

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP

That night I slipped away from Draco as I always did, descending the stairs, turning along a passage, then another and into Severus' chambers. This time, he was waiting for me. He had his wand out and jumped when I entered. Nobody spoke. Then…

"Are you…are you going to tell me, Sev? Are you going to let me find out about you?" I didn't like the look he was giving me.

"I'm not merely going to let you. You have to know. I will give you every motive to go away and hate me again with every fibre of your soul." Hate Sev? It didn't make sense to me. Sev was raising his wand…

"What…?" But it was too late. Severus had spoken the incantation. Memories were flashing before me, all full of Sev until one became dominant. I could see and hear everything. I gasped.

_My mother was sitting crouched in the corner, a shield of magic around her. There were many bangs and yells downstairs. My mother held a baby-me supposedly, in her arms-so who was I? My spell hit her before she knew what was happening and her shield broke as a tall, hooded figure entered the bedroom. Lord Voldemort was tall and strong, his face shining with health and vigour, not the sad, pale creature that now claimed that name. I did not hear him mutter the incantation but when I looked back at my mother, her head hung limply against the wall._

_I walked over to her, plucked my sleeping former self from her arms and carried me towards my master. As I handed it into his arm, I saw myself reflected in his black eyes, still shining from the killing._

"Severus…"

The memory lost focus and images came flashing past my eyes again until it slowed and stopped at a memory. I knew I was Severus this time. I was with Albus Dumbledore and he was speaking to me, Severus about me, Harry.

"Severus, I need you to do this. Become friendly with the boy, try and get him to confide in you, become lovers if you must. I need him to have a support. I need him. I can't loose my greatest weapon now. He's yours to comfort. I want him back from the holidays strong and ready to fight. I can't afford to loose him now…"

Suddenly I was released. I fell back on the cold, hard floor. Waves of emotion were surging through me. It was all a fake. Not only was it over, it had never been for me or him but for Dumbledore's uses. I saw Severus moving towards me and scrambled away. My back hit stone wall. He came slowly on towards me. Standing right in front of me he said,

"Stand up, Potter. Isn't that what you wanted? To _know_ me?" I stood up as he laughed; a manic gleam in his eyes. "Do you hate me now, Harry Potter? Do you hate the person who killed your mother, who used you as a tool for the war?" I shook my head. None of it added up. Severus had been cruel, heartless, had never loved me and yet…to me, he was still an untouchable, misjudged angel.

"Awww. Do you love me, Potter? Can't you understand hatred anymore?" he leaned forward and bit my lip hard. I licked it and tasted blood. I was shaking.

"Get out of my rooms, Potter. Never come back. Tomorrow I will get a painting or a statue to guard my rooms so don't try to get in…get out of my sight! Now!" He leaned forward and pressed his cold lips to my bleeding ones. I slipped out from underneath his arms and stumbled back to my room, sobbing. Draco was awake. He opened the door as I reached it and welcomed me into a hug. He was warm.

"I just came to see where you'd gone. What happened, baby? Shh, what's the matter?" It was a while before I could speak.

"S…Se…Sev-erus," I choked. There was nothing more I could say. Draco lifted me and we lay down in his warm bed. He was stroking my hair gently and speaking to me. It was a moment before I understood what he was saying.

"…loves you really, Harry. He's just very confused. He cares about…"

"No, Ray, he doesn't…he show…showed me a memory of him and Du…mbledore. Dumbledore made him…to make me better…made him get close to me…" Draco stiffened.

"So why isn't he with you now, hmm? He knew you'd find out and be upset. He knew you'd think it was all for Dumbledore. He pushed you away to stop you thinking badly of him, baby, I promise."

"But I…I love him, Ray. I don't want him to go away I want him to be with me. If he loves me too why aren't we together?"

"Because he's being stupid." Draco's words were enough to shock me out of crying. They were harsh and feeling. I looked up at his fierce grey eyes. "He thinks you despise him and won't listen to any other opinion."

"How could he think that? After everything…"

"Harry. I know it's hard but you must go back to him tomorrow and tell him you're still in love with him. The sooner the better. You can stay with me for tonight though." I relaxed against him. I was comfortable but Draco had not Severus' cool smooth skin and graceful frame. Gradually I heard his breaths grow long and relaxed and began to feel sleepy myself. I felt myself dissolving into a comfortable world of soft hands and relaxed mind. Smiling I fell into such a sleep as I had not had in months.

I dreamed of Severus, not in a heartrending separated way as I often did, but just remembering the fun we had together, the happy joys we shared. I willed him to remember, not to forget me, to think of good times to come.

When I woke in the morning I remembered nothing of the dream.

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The day passed uneventfully. Harry was his usual glazed self, though he was clingier that day. He complained whenever I let go of his hand. Severus was off sick for the first time since I'd joined Hogwarts. This was bad.

That night Harry left as usual but returned after only a few minutes.

"He's put a password on his door. I can't get in." I thought hard. How could Harry get in?

"Harry, but on some shoes and a jacket, quickly, and grab your invisibility cloak and your map. And your firebolt. We'll get you up there don't you worry." Harry did as he was told and soon we were sneaking through the dungeons and up the stone steps to the entrance hall. I mounted my broom, asked Harry to get on behind me and covered us both in the invisibility cloak. We took off through the doors and swooped down to Snape's window. He wasn't in the room I could see but Harry immediately started banging at the window and as it flew open Snape came skidding into the room. He leapt off nimbly and I saw Snape's eyes widen as Harry tumbled into his window, apparently from nowhere. I zoomed off, laughing and headed back to the outside of the room, leaving the cloak and the map tucked behind the statue. It was up to Sev now.

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"Potter, when I locked my rooms to you, wasn't it clear that I did not want to see you?" He picked himself up off the ground and grinned.

"I guess. But I wanted to come."

"Well get out. You are unwanted."

"No."

"Pardon me?"

"No, I won't get out."

"Detention, Mr Potter."

"An hour with you? It's my lucky day! Maybe I should break rules more often in front of you."

"I'll send you to the headmaster."

"He'll back me up." Harry was advancing on me and I could find nowhere to go.

"I win, Sev. Looks like I'm staying right where I am." He was very close now. A foot separated our bodies.

"Can't you just give up? I don't want to see you!"

"Is that true? Well that's sad. Because I want to see you very much." He spoke softly.

"What do you want from me, Harry? I'm not a good person, okay?" He stepped closer so we were nose to nose, toe to toe. He leaned in and rested his warm cheek against mine.

"I don't care if you are or you aren't. I'm in love with you. And I'm not giving up. You'll have a stalker the rest of your life." These words sent my mind reeling.

"Harry…I assisted killing your parents…"

"I know. But he wasn't very nice to you was he? We would have just had huge fights about you if you hadn't. And I would have grown up even more of an arsehole than I already am. Please, Sev. Stop being like this. When I don't have you…I can't feel anything. There's only you and Draco and daemons. My memory doesn't work and I'm useless. You…you keep my soul alive." My head was shouting no, but my heart was screaming yes over the top and my body was joining in as Harry's beautiful, warm body pressed against mine and his breath tickled my ear. Slowly I relaxed and I felt him smile against my cheek. "That's better." He wrapped one arm around my waist and stroked my neck lovingly with the other. Gently he moved his head back enough to look at me. His hand that had been stroking my neck slipped down to hold my hand. He was smiling.

Attention readers! This story will shortly end. I have a possible sequel planned with more war and Voldie, but I want opinions-so WHEN you review :P Please copy and paste:

Sequel feedback: and then a letter, one of the following:

Yeah I love this story and there should DEFINITELY be a sequel.

There should be a sequel but only if it's a suitable follow up to this one.

Don't care; I'm just reviewing this one!

Love this story, but a sequel might ruin it. Keep it short and sweet.

Don't really like this story/think a sequel would ruin it completely.


	10. Together

Gently he moved his head back enough to look at me. His hand that had been stroking my neck slipped down to hold my hand. He was smiling. "I love you Sev."

"Why?" Harry laughed.

"Because I'm an idiot if you like. Really? Okay. Because you're an intelligent, fun, beautiful man. You had bad times and it got to you. But you're a good man. You're kind and…oh so many reasons. Enough for you?"

"Yes. I love you Harry." He smiled wickedly.

"Why?"

"Because…because you're so…Oh I don't know. I just do. Reasons all seem futile and teenage when you compare it to love."

"I agree. So don't ask such awkward questions." He leaned in and his soft, wet lips caressed mine for the first time in months. I suddenly realised I was dying for him, my whole being was ecstatic to have him back. I groaned gently into his kiss and felt him smile in return. Slowly our lips parted and we just looked at each other, drinking each other in. His hand touched my ear and explored my neck for a little while. Then he smiled, slightly embarrassed at his prolonged stare and stepped back.

"I should probably go…but…I can come back tomorrow evening can't I? When I've done my homework?" I smiled.

"You can bring it here if you like. I can't wait."

"Okay, I will. I'll come after diner." He stepped shyly into me and kissed me briefly before turning and leaving. It was a long time before I realised I was still smiling. Harry loved me. Harry _loved _me. _Harry_ loved me. It was almost too much to bear. I went into my bedroom and flopped down on the bed. That boy has some sort of spell over me…

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"Ray, _Ray, RAY!!!_ I did it!!! We… he…I…we made it up!!! He isn't mad anymore and he says I can go over tomorrow evening!!! He really still loves me!!!"

"Oh Harry, that's great!!!"

"I know isn't it?" Harry was shining with happiness. The old, frightened, emotionless Harry was gone. This Harry was brimming over with life and vivacity. He collapsed onto his bed and beamed over at me. For a second he was thoughtful, and then he said,

"Ray? What have I been doing these last few days…weeks? How did I get here? Why are you looking after me?"

"Don't you remember?"

"Parts…of it…I remember only that you're good and Sev's good. But I didn't like you before. And why am I sleeping in the Slytherin common rooms?" I sat down and explained everything to him. I gave him an account of everything he had done since I'd seen him on the train coming to Hogwarts. When I told him about Gryffindor and Ron and Hermione he looked completely shocked.

"So…" he said at last, trying to get a handle on everything, "why did you agree to look after me? You hate me, remember?" I sighed tiredly.

"Everybody's been asking me that. I don't hate you Harry, nor ever did. There's a lot of stuff going on in my family that I used to have to live up to. But things are different now. Since my father was caught I've been safe with my mother. But I never hated you."

"Even if you didn't why did you want to do this? I mean it sounds like I've been clinging to you 24/7!"

"I just like you okay? Leave it at that! The main thing is you're better now." Harry smiled. He was content.

"Thanks."

"What?"

"Thanks for doing everything for me. You've been a good friend. And we can still be friends now right? This wasn't just while I was…ill?"

"Well…sure! I mean…I didn't think you wanted to be friends with me." Harry nodded. I smiled. And he smiled. And then, forgetting he was himself, I leaned forward and hugged him. For a second he tensed but then he relaxed and hugged me back. Then we broke apart, not looking at each other and I went back to my bed and began fussing with my bedclothes and Harry began to get changed…but we were going to be good friends from now on. Everything was going to be different. Harry was going to continue dating Sev through school and after, and hopefully I would be there beside them, making sure they didn't make another near-fatal mistake.


End file.
